Every day we continually search the internet or we 'google it'.  What we search is accumulating over eight trillion gigabytes of data daily.  This truly staggering amount of information, which is certainly unprecedented in history - can tell us a lot about who we are:  What we fear, desire, and behaviors and habits that drive us and the calculated and uncalculated decisions we all make in every interaction or situation.   From the extraordinary to the ordinary, we can gain remarkable and sometimes surprising insight into our psyche, personality and subconscious that less than a decade ago seemed incomprehensible.  

I recently read Everbody Lies by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz - a trained economist and a philosopher.  Seth offers fascinating, surprising and sometimes scary insights into everything from finance to ethics to sports to ethnicity to sexuality, and more, all pulled from the world of big data.   

He asks remarkably captivating questions:  
What percentage of white voters didn't vote for Barack Obama because he's black?  
Does where you go to school affect how successful you are in life?  Do parents secretly favor boy children over girls?  
Do violent films affect crime rate?  
Can you beat the stock market?  
How regularly do we lie about our sex lives and whose more self-conscious about sex, men or women?  

And so many other questions.  

Seth's book investigates these questions as well as many others.  The revelations of Everbody Lies can help us understand ourselves and our lives better.   He attempts to draw on studies and analyses on how we live and think and further demonstrates in the fascinating and often funny way the extent to which all the world is admittedly a big laboratory.  

Some of his conclusions are ranging from really strange but valid to a very thought-provoking to sometimes even disturbing.  

Everybody Lies the power of this digital truth and its profound potential - reveals biases deeply embedded within us, the information we can use to change our culture, and the questions we are often afraid to ask that might be essential to our physical and emotional health.  

Ultimately the book challenged me to think differently about how I understand and perceive big data and its influence and also how I see the world.  In fact, big data isn't intrinsically dangerous or harmful, and it can be extraordinarily valuable and engaging.  

 You won't be able to put it down once you start reading it.  ​

How much do we really read?

After graduate school and all those writings and heavy textbooks, I was reading two books a year - if I was fortunate.  I'd read on vacation and would often leave them unfinished.

Last year I decided to read two to three books per month.  This year I'm hoping for one per week.  Nowadays, I feel more creatively alive in many areas of my life.  I feel more curious and more interested, in everything, I feel better about myself, and my writing output has drastically improved and increased.  Increasing my reading rate has been the domino that's tipped over a series of other things.  

I am very disappointed that I didn't start sooner.

Why did I wait so many years?

For many years, I have been focusing on simple skimming rather than deep diving, so it took me some time to identify the specific changes that truly improved my reading rate.  By the way, none of them had to do with how fast I could read.  I'm actually a very very slow reader.  

I try to do the following.  They help me; they might help you too.

-  Make a real commitment:  Just make a public commitment to reading by opening an account at GoodReads or Reco.  You can put together an email list to send out short reviews of the books you read to family, friends, and colleagues.  I do that at WholeRen; also I have a blog on my reading list.  You should do it too.  

-  Find a good trusted, book list:  If you look at the broader book industry, they put out more than 70,000 books a year.  We really don't' have the time to go through 2,000 new books or so a week.  Nobody has that kind of time.  I typically ask what my friends are reading.  I also have role models and mentors that I follow to see what their reading lists look like.  

-  Concentrate reading at your home:  I think having a TV in your main living area is like having cookies in front of you while you are trying hard to keep a healthy diet.  Put your cookies (TV) away from your reading area.

-  Don't just quit:  It's one thing to quit reading a book and feels really bad about it.  It's another to quit a book and feel proud of it.  Change your mindset, and you're there.

-  Manage your Money when buying books:  I've tried to keep a balance between magazine subscription and rotate my subscription to keep them fresh.  But short and choppier nature of readings was actually preventing me from going deeper.  So now I have no subscriptions.  Now I have more money to buy books.  

-  Try to read physical books: In an era when everything is going digital, something is grounding about having a growing collection of books.  If you want to get deep, perhaps it's also a nice physical (not digital) representation of the evolution and changes in your mind while you're reading.  But also since we all look at screens all day, it can be a welcoming change of pace to hold an actual book in our hands.  
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-  Have a book with you all the time:  I really mean it, all the time.  A few pages here.  A few pages there.  Have a book with you all the time.   I typically try to read nonfiction in the mornings, when my mind is in active learning mode and fiction and novel at night before bed when my mind is tired wants an escape.  
Last but not least,
好书如挚友
Let's see how many good friends we will find in 201.8.
Happy Reading

This morning as I entered the parking lot across from our office, I had my typical morning exchange with the parking lot operator.  Larry or as I often call him Uncle Larry - a man in his early 60s - was shoveling snow, thanks to the overnight snowstorm.  Jokingly, I've asked about his day; thinking he would surely complain about his 3x3 cube where he spends 14 hours every day in it or shoveling snow in a 150 car capacity parking lot on a Saturday morning or his 25 years old red truck that he has been repairing since 1998.   

He replied; "Just terrific Rooz.  It's a beautiful day.  It's hard work (referring to shoveling snow), but I'm lovin it man! I'm doin it for you bro. So you can work harder to bring more kids here to get a good education so don't end up like me at my age."  I love Larry's sense of humor.  He is always energetic.  

It made me think about why is it that some people can be very well-paid and work in the very comfortable environment but feel empty,  while others can work in a 3x3 cube, shovel snow on a Saturday and not get paid much and feel so fulfilled, like Larry?  

I think part of the answer is a purpose.  

Most of us try to find purpose in our work.  Larry showed me it's not about finding it; one needs to build it.  Yes,  working with a sense of purpose day-in- and day-out is truly an act of will that takes belief and lots of practice.  

In many stages of life, I have worked with and without having a purpose.  For me, Larry is an excellent example of how we should enrich our work with the purpose regardless of my profession, title or position.   

He did it for me!
Larry told me that he wanted to clean the lot knowing that I'll be here early.  He "did it for [me] so [I] won't have any problems parking my car".    He took pride and purpose in the customer (me) he has, and he helps.   Who do we serve?  Connecting our day-to-day jobs - consciously and concretely - to those we're ultimately helping to make completing that work more purposeful.  

'Lovin it!'
Larry was shoveling snow and "lovin it"!  He magically created the work he wanted to do out of the work he has been assigned to do - work he found meaningful and worthwhile as simple as shoveling snow.  Larry was pursuing excellence in service to me and others and would adapt his physically demanding job to suit that purpose.  He was truly magnifying his work to be meaningful to himself and to those he serves.  

We are partners!
Who we work with is an as essential as what we do.  Larry calls me "partner".   He is right. We are colleagues, in a way.
It is true that relationships look different within the workplace than outside of it.  But they still matter a lot.  We'd all be served by recognizing more ways to develop positive relationships at work.  Identify a newer or younger colleague we'd like to empower, and offer to support them navigate through the company.  We should all take the lead in scheduling an event or experience that will help us and our colleagues to know one another more fully.  Simply take the time to reflect on a new colleague each day, trying to understand him or her and why we are grateful to have the opportunity to work with them.  Any efforts to improve the positive relationship we have without others at work often investing in serving them can give work greater meaning.  

Recognize why we are working!
It is true that most of us don't' have the luxury of working solely for Fun, life Jerry Seinfeld.  We may enjoy our jobs, but we also work to earn money and pay bills.  

Who are we working for? We need to think about that person or group of people.  When the hours get difficult, or the tasks are unexciting, I keep thinking that my work is an act of service for those I care about in my personal life.  It helps me tie more purpose into my work.  

Today, Larry taught me that purpose isn't some kind of magic that I can find.  It is something I must consciously pursue and build. 

In the past year, I have seen that we often avoid conflict and disagreement at work, mainly because the majority of us prefer to be conflict-averse.  It is perfectly natural that we don't' want conflict. We don't want to disagree or more important, don't know how to do it.   In fact, we've come to relate saying "I see it differently" or "I don't agree" with being hostile, offensive, or rude, so it makes most people uncomfortable.  

To be fair, agreeing is usually more comfortable than facing someone, at least in the short-term.  It feels good when someone nods at something we say.  We often label people that disagree with us as "difficult."  That is a big mistake.  By thinking that way, we lose out on a potentially fruitful and productive working relationship.  

Disagreements are an unavoidable, normal and healthy part of relating to other people.  There is no such thing as a conflict-free work environment, and my company is not an exception.  We might dream of working in a peaceful paradise, but it wouldn't be good for our company, our work and us.  In fact, disagreement - when achieved well - have lots of positive outcomes.  


Here are few of those positive outcomes:  

• Better work outcomes.  It will lead to creative friction which will likely to lead to new answers.  Conflicts allow us to come to terms with the complicated situation, to incorporate diverse perspectives and to make sure solutions are well thought-out.  Yes, conflict is uncomfortable, but it is the source of real innovation and also a critical process of identifying mitigating risks.    
• Opportunities to learn and grow.  As uncomfortable as it may feel when someone challenges your ideas, it's an opportunity to learn.  
• Improved relationship.  By working through conflict together, we will feel closer to the people around us and gain a better understanding of what matters to them and how they prefer to work.  Yes, it is possible to have "good" fights and then move on.  
• Higher job satisfaction.  It is true.  When we are not afraid to disagree about issues at work, we are likely to be happier to go to the office, be satisfied with what you accomplish, and enjoy the interaction with your co-workers.  
• A more inclusive work environment.  If we want diversity and inclusion, we have to get prepared to disagree.  

As a company we need to learn how to disagree more, we all need to take responsibility for making it comfortable and OK for everyone to disagree, debate and express their real opinions.  We just need to get more comfortable with conflict.  

Here are some ideas to start:

• Letting go of needing to be liked.  Most of us want people to like us.  That's completely normal.  It is natural to want to be liked, but that's not always the most important piece.  Instead of focusing on our likability, let's focus on respect - both giving it and earning it.   Even when the issue is hard, conversations can remain mutually supportive.  Respect the other person's point of view and expect them to respect ours.  We need to build a team model that it's Ok to disagree, making it safer for our team members to raise their ideas.  
• Focus on the big picture.   Yes, disagreements are hard,  but conflicts at work usually start as differences over goals or method.  Focusing on something other than disagreements on goals or methods can be a good start. Perhaps we can think about the business needs:  Why is your difference of opinion an important debate to have?  How will it help the company, our team or the project we're working toward?  Wanting to be liked is about us, wanting what's best for our company or the team is far less selfish.  
• Don't equate disagreement with unkindness.  People are hesitant to disagree because they don't want to hurt other people's feelings. Or don't want to be a jerk.  But most people are open to hearing a different perspective if we share it thoughtfully and respectfully.  Just ask yourself:  Is there a risk that you will hurt your coworker's feelings or that they'll think you're a jerk?  Or are you projecting your discomfort?
• Just find a role model and follow them.  Probably there's some in your life - a colleague, a relative or a friend - who does a pretty good job being direct and honest about their thoughts and opinions without ruffling feathers.  Just watch that person and see what they do.

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Practice in small portions.  Be straight in a low-stake conversation and see what happens.  Odds are it will go better than you expect.  And if it doesn't, that is entirely ok.  You can learn from the situation and try again.  

I have learned to object and disagree precisely what the other person wishes you would do - as long as we do it with respect and empathy.